flyingkaar- It was the start of being me
I was meant to document my life here in London with these posts, however I failed miserably. Maybe I shouldn't use the word fail, I procrastinated. Certain incidents that have been happening reminded me again how difficult it is at times to talk to people about being away from home. Its one of those things where people won't understand unless they are going through it as well. So I decided its time to go back to the only place I know where I can share my feelings with hope that at least one person will understand me - the internet. That sounded really sad but trust me its not. Here it is, my conscious effort at trying to keep this blog alive and me sane.
I don't know where to start, so I thought I will start somewhere general.
I moved to London on September 17, 2018. I've worked so hard to get to London. The countless fights I had with my parents. The internal dilemma I had for choosing the 'forbidden' path. The hours I put to get here. London to me was ( and still is) more than just a city or a place with Big Ben and afternoon tea and red buses. It represents an end of something. End of my childhood, innocence and ignorance that have been cushioning me the last 19 years. End of constantly watching my back and biting my tongue. It was the start of me taking care of myself, start of my actual life , start of a remarkable career that will take me to places I would never imagine of going to. It was the start of being me, unapologetically me. Something I will probably never be able to do in Singapore. I feel like my parents or aunts and uncles reading this think that this means going crazy with drinking and clubbing, that's not it. Thats not what I mean by being me. I mean going to Sainsbury's near mine and the people working there knowing me as me - 19 year old Law student from Singapore living in North London alone not someone's daughter or niece. I don't like that. I don't like belonging to someone. I don't like the idea of having a last name. I belong to me and no one else. Maybe this trait of my personality is what has given me the courage the last few years to get out the bubble (or maybe a padded cell) I've grown up in. To go wherever I want to whenever I want to.
I may or may not have gone off tangent but that's something I do often when I write. I just have so much to say but have had to bite my tongue for a long time.
Back to the day I moved to this magnificent city. I remember coming here telling myself not to be so smug. I knew this process was going to be hard. I knew I was prepared but not completely prepared at the same time. Just because I have travelled around Europe and flown to London 4 times in year does not mean I was ready to throw everything I was familiar with and move half way across the world. I kept reminding myself this because I knew there was going to be a moment where all this didn't matter so I did not want to fool myself and I'm glad I didn't. There are so many obstacles I've faced ever since I came here and I've tried to deal with them to the best of my abilities. Even after slightly more than a year, there are new challenges that come up every. single. day. but I know how hard I worked for this so nothing is going to stand in my way
xx
flyingkaar
0 comments